Oh my gosh. This has been a horrible day. I am so annoyed with everyone. The kids husband the cats....everyone. I did finally call my medicine in but who knows how long before the doctor will fill it. I am so anxious, and something else. I have this like pent up feeling inside my chest. I fell like my heart is beating a millions times per second. I cant concentrate on anything. I have tons of things just flipping through my mind. I cant stop the racing thoughts. Its just one thing after another. I keep going from one point to another. Pacing seems to help keep me calm. Weird,, i know.
I rearranged the dinning room and living room today. I think it looks good. I still have lots of cleaning to do. I know I am manic. I feel it. I could run a marathon right now but dont want too. Its weird because i have all this energy yet i dont want to do anything. It comes in spurts.
Its after midnight and I am aggitated. The kids wont go to sleep my husband is annoying me. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I need a break I need a day off. I mean why does everyone else get a break but im with the kids 24-7/ Dang I cant wait until school starts. Then I will have a break.
I dont know how I am going to do this. I start school at the same time as the kids. I dont know if i am ready for this next semster. I feel a little better writing this but for some reason i just want to cry. I feel a little numb maybe i cant really explain how i am feeling.
I have sooo many things to still get for the kids for school. I hate shoppping for school things. I am mad at the school still hasnt sent us anything. I mean school starts in less than a week and we have not recieved any lists as to what they need. Also bens just starting kindergarden I dont know who his teacher is. I am also worried that he wont get to meet him before school starts and with his adhd meeting the teacher beforehand will make the transition go smoother. I am going to try to call them again. We shall see if anyone answers.
I hope my doctor calls me soon i really need my meds. I dont know why i do this. I havent had them for over a month and thought i was fine but now i am crashing. Damn disorder. I hate this. I dont know why some people like being manic i hate it. I cant sleep then there are days i dont want to wake up. I hate crashing and burning like this> I just wanna scream....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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